The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm passing your future prison.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize