it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
