i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
