oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
