Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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