I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
