is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
