yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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