He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
