We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
