We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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