The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Even my vagina gasped.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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