drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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