bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
