Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A+ Viking dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
