I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
