just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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