If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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