I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
