Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
