my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
