The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
