please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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