You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
