: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Be still, my beating vagina.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
