Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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