I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
