I'm so fucking centered right now
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
