I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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