My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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