sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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