last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
