Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
