I faked an abortion last night.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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