Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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