I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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