Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize