Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
