ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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