none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
