Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize