Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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