Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize