so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
