the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The struggles of a small town man whore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize