She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
