CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
