this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
