I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I faked an abortion last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
