yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
