when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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