please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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