He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
