I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When did angry sex become our thing?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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