yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
