Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
