I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
