I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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