yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
