I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize