Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
