I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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