Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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