my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
