I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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