So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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