At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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