There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
