i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
