i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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