Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
