I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
People in love make me want to vomit
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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