So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
