wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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