i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
