he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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