Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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