I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
