i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
