We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
