True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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