I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
